the two things that make a life truly successful
The need to be successful drives our culture. Nobody ever openly says that, but this invisible pressure causes us all to work longer, push harder, and worry about our greatest fear: am I going to be successful in my life?
But what does it even mean to be successful? There isn’t anything wrong with being successful, but we should be careful with how we’re defining success because this definition will drive so much of our lives.
so what is success?
Success is an intentionally vague word: it can mean any type of achievement. Unfortunately though, for most of us in our culture, success becomes an inherently comparative term as we evaluate our achievements against our friends and peers’.
We compare ourselves to others in four main achievement categories:
Do I have more money, nicer possessions, and more interesting experiences than my peers?
Do I have more power, recognition, and status than my peers?
Am I welcomed into the most popular circles available to me, both in marriage and friendship?
Am I setting up my children or potential children to be better than their peers at all three of these previous things?
There are many more things we pine after, but these four capture most of the unspoken definition of what a “successful” life is in our culture.
what’s the problem with this?
The problem with our culture’s comparative definitions of success is that it makes success relative, which causes you to constantly compare yourself to others. This creates radically insecure people who are always dissatisfied with their lives, regardless of their accomplishments, because there’s always someone out there ahead of them.
I live in New York City, the capital of young people who have made it professionally, financially, and socially. So you’d think they’d be incredibly happy, content, and satisfied with their lives, right? But they’re not, at least whenever there isn’t a camera around, and so many are filled with emptiness and discontentment that they don’t know how to solve.
redefine your view of success
If you want to live a successful life, then you need to redefine your view of success. Chasing after more, more, more of what our culture calls success will never satisfy you but only leave you eventually feeling empty and disappointed.
But as I’ve watched lots of people around me, both in small towns and big cities, as well as reading countless biographies of both “successful” and ordinary people, I’ve realized that truly successful lives aren’t built around getting more money, status, or insider recognition, but instead two very simple things that anyone can do.
Here are the two things that people who live a truly successful life do:
Build and invest in meaningful relationships.
Develop and use your gifts to help others in important ways.
That’s it. There’s no need to launch a million-dollar start-up, get 100,000 followers, or raise three kids who are all quarterback/prom queen/valedictorian types. If you want to live a successful life focus on doing these two things to the best of your ability.
Why do I have to point this out? Because chasing our culture’s view of success will crowd out your ability to do these two much more important things!
People don’t have time for meaningful relationships because they’re too busy advancing their career and trying to “win” in life.
And so many ignore their natural giftings and interests to pursue work that has higher pay or is more prestigious.
You can make all of the money in the world and be the most popular person around, but if you aren’t doing these two things, you won’t be happy. At the same time, if you’re doing these two things, you can be barely scraping by financially and be on the edges and have a great life.
who lived the most successful life ever?
If you’re like me, you feel some amount of pressure to be successful according to the standards of the world. But I hope you take a moment to think about what goals you’re orienting your life around and what you’re spending your time pursuing.
If we look at Jesus’ life, He didn’t get any of what our world calls success, yet He lived the most successful life ever, spending His life building meaningful relationships with God and His followers while using His gifts to obey God’s purpose for His life.
I believe these two principles of a successful life work, not because they’re popular or trendy, but because they’re how God has created us: to pursue meaningful relationships with Him and others and to use our gifts to serve others and glorify Him.
So, when you’re trying to figure out how to use your money, spend your free time, or which job to pursue, run your decisions by these two simple rules of success, and not through our culture’s definition if you want to live a truly successful life.
take a moment to reflect:
Where do I see parts of my life built around possessing these four comparative markers of success?
Where do I need to re-orient my life so that I’m spending my time investing in meaningful relationships and using my gifts to help people?
